The year 2022.
England has left the EU! Voters turned out in record numbers to polls letting impulses and guts win over reason. All over Europe, corporate and government leaders demonized the Brits and promptly decided to overtax all exports to the UK.
A combination of skyrocketing prices and stagnating wages engulfed the entire country into an unprecedented economic crisis. Tesco’s prices quickly caught up with Sainsbury’s which jacked up its own to match Waitrose. 3 for 10 became 2 for 15, then 1 for 20, while the dramatic decrease in customers shortly led big-name supermarkets to close down, irreversibly bankrupt.
However, two of them found a loophole…
ALDI
Live Long & Procure
Live Long & Procure
It was ALDI, the German food mart of the plebs, which benefited the most of this increase in poverty with a 300% revenue growth. This substantial rise in capital soon led ALDI to up their game, upgrading their product line, revamping their image and developing an entirely new branding strategy.
The new ALDI was born…
Their flagship product was yet to come, the very item which would mark the beginning of everlasting supermarket politics - the ALDI card.
Major architectural projects were planned, slowly transforming Britain's rural landscapes and city skylines into a panorama of pan-germanic imperialism. After over a century of architectonic drift, 1920's expressionism was back in fashion and ALDI was the living embodiment of this promising, square-shaped, empirical expansion.
Thus, ALDI conquered the world through market economy...
M&S
Simple Foods.
On the other hand, the legendary M&S; which once fashioned its luxury image on the backs of the UK’s finest “Leading Ladies”, now had to keep a low profile. Suffering from decline in clothing sales for consecutive years, they had become quite accustomed to downtrends and the use of lifeboats to reach the shores of budget maintenance. They were old, 136 years old, and therefore trained to ever changing market dynamics. They were willing to risk it all to survive in this calculating and rapacious new world.
And they did it…
Along came a revolutionary product : CHOW!
This fusion of meats was suitable for human, canine AND feline consumers. It was cheap, it tasted alright and it fed entire families. The common labourers loved it!
Naturally, they had to close down many of their high street shops. Oxford Street, Covent Garden, Green Park were replaced by neon signs of better valued brands.
Though they focused on the positive, the ace they had kept up their sleeve, a never before seen advertising campaign involving advertising leaflets which would colonise all suburbian working class mailboxes.
So next time you're walking down the aisles of your favorite supermarket, remember that the best things in life are free and that a good Sunday honey glazed roast might just be worth bearing those euroturds a couple more years...
